(Not So) Deep Thoughts
Random thoughts while sitting here praying that my car passes inspection:
~Hope you enjoyed your summer, and by “summer,” I mean those two consecutive days of sun in early May.
~Ever wonder why they don’t schedule Thanksgiving to coincide with turkey hunting season? Me too.
~I’ve worked as a comedian, radio personality and writer, but nothing satisfies me like trapping fruit flies.
~Can someone please explain why so many people wait until the cashier finishes scanning all the items before reaching for their wallet? Do they honestly not anticipate the whole payment thing? And speaking of payment: ever notice that the same people who criticize “the younger generation” for their inability to count back change often struggle to use the debit card they’ve had for thirty years?
~Visited Moxie Falls for the very first time recently. Highly recommend, but if that’s the water they use to make the drink, I wouldn’t consume it.
~I’ve noticed that when folks start to feel ill, the first thing they do is consult with all their friends and co-workers just hoping to hear the words, “Something’s going ‘round.” Makes ‘em feel better instantly. Because secretly, all they care about is that otherpeople have the same ailment and haven’t croaked.
~Saw a truckload of outhouses and picnic tables heading for town yesterday and wondered if they were finally turning that crater in the road by Wiggin Stream into a state park.
~I still refer to Mayhew Manor by its former name. I find it a great way for we locals to speak in code. For example, you can say, “Traffic’s backed up to Jamo’s; better take Lakeview Manor,” and people from away haven’t a clue.
~Mr. Rogers failed to emotionally prepare me for some of the people in my neighborhood.
~Ever go on a dinner date with someone you recently met and the food is great, and the conversation’s great, and you find the person interesting, witty, and kind, and you’re having a simply marvelous time right up until he or she casually mentions having been the second shooter on the grassy knoll during a previous life? Or has this only happened to me?
~This summer marks S. S. Katahdin’s 111th year plying the waters of Moosehead Lake. Thank you Liz McKeil and the crew at Moosehead Marine Museum for keeping Kate cruising.
~Heading over to my local attorney’s next week to have him revise my will. I’ve decided to add my former wife as a beneficiary. To her I shall leave my wooden boat collection, my 10,000 shares of Apple stock, my waterfront camp on Harford’s Point, and several more big ticket items that I’ve never actually owned.
~While visiting my dentist years ago, he voiced concern that I was severely grinding my teeth.
“You under a lot of stress?” he asked.
“I am,” I said. “So much so that I talk to my lawyer in my sleep.”
“That’s terrible.”
“Yep. And the worst part is, he’s billing me for it.”
~I almost never attend funerals and celebrations of life, but will make an exception next week when I head to Benton to honor longtime WTOS newsman Mike Estrada. I’m honored to have shared both stage and studio with “Mr. Mike,” and I can honestly say that I’ve never known a funnier and more congenial human being. He’s one of those people with whom you cross paths for a brief period of your life and you never stop remembering. Rest in peace, Friend.
